2012 Grand Review: New House

I love summaries. So here's mine from 2012! I'm calling it a "grand review" because I'm going to break it up into several posts, rather than making it one obnoxiously long post.

After a ridiculously long wait of about three years, we sold our house in December of 2011, which propelled us into another long wait of home shopping. By April 2012, we closed on the new house and Jon began gutting the entire thing! Since he is amazing, and the hardest worker I know, he basically finished the house overhaul in six weeks, allowing us to move in by the end of May. 

It was crazy and chaotic and I realized I don't do well with that much crazy. I also discovered my most loathed paradox of life--sometimes when your dreams come true, rather than the expected feeling of elation, depression happens. The big, classic, letdown of something long dreamed about and idealized, becoming a reality--and reality is messy. I was caught unaware by this letdown, which maybe added to the depression, because frankly, I felt guilty that I wasn't elated and shouting praise to God every second for giving us what we wanted.  

Thankfully, finally, after six months of settling in, and wrestling with my inner crazy and life's paradox, I am truly soaking in the blessing of this place and enjoying it for all the marvelousness it truly is.

Throwing hammers into the wall for fun. Before tearing it down.

This boy gets the hard-work genes from his daddy! He loved helping!

Family Room: Before

Family room: after. With family in it.

My little art model-man helping me choose color schemes.

Living Room

Thanksgiving in our new home, and SO thankful!

The blessing of an amazing view and a pair of stunning pine trees in our own backyard!

Hope in the Sorrowful Swamp

Life's ebbs and flows of sorrow and joy come in and out for me pretty smoothly, normally. Yet this year has felt sorrowfully swampy. Like a shallow pool of muddy water has seeped in and won't wash away and it's clouding even the best moments.  I've been waiting for a natural draining to take place, for the moon to cycle around, and gravity's force to pull the tide out, and with it, the murky water. But still it stays. Last night I felt a complete loss as to what to do about it; I wanted something to do to push away this rotten water for good.

Today, when each piece from the few blogs I regularly read seemed to speak so directly and specifically to me, I felt a jolt of hope that the swamp won't remain forever. I'm posting my two favorites here to keep for my own future reminders, and to share, because they are fabulous.

1. In Which I Simply Get to Work by Sarah Bessey. This was my "something to do"! And who would ever think it--chores! Chores to the rescue! This post resonated so deeply in my soul, I almost didn't want to share it. But that felt selfishly silly.

"I bring order to my soul with the ordinary work, the ordinary love, the ordinary beauty of the every day life, and funny as it may be, it's where I find that space of pause, the shut off switch for my never-ending-inner-monologue that so irritates me..."

2. The Unintended Double-Edged Sword by Seth Haines. This post, in such a succinct way, pieced together parts of a theological puzzle I had been stuck on for a long time. I felt something important click together for me as I was reading this.

"A word of caution to the would be story tellers: prosperity does not necessarily implicate providence, nor does it always bring comfort. Sometimes, the providence is in the pain."

How long must I take counsel in my soul

and have sorrow in my heart all the day?...

But I have trusted in Your mercy,

My heart shall rejoice in Your salvation

I will sing to the Lord

for He has dealt bountifully with me.

Psalm 13:2, 5-6

Read away and ponder with me...

Beginning My Art Collection

I just bought my first original painting by an artist, Michele Maule, who I've admired on etsy for a couple years! She does a lot of collage and oil painting, but I felt this watercolor was made for me. I have a fascination with flocks of geese. When they fly overhead I feel like I've been graced by something magical. As an animal, a goose is feisty and I'm a little afraid of them, but in flight they're ethereal.

I love the pen detail in this piece and the way the clouds are blotchy and stylized. Clouds make me happy too, and we've got this blue-gray-white scheme in our house, so really, I couldn't have made a better choice with this one to start my art collection!

Check out Michele's other works here! http://www.etsy.com/shop/michelemaule

Love in the Fog

My love and I have been floating for a a few months.

Not in the dreamy, newlywed way,

but rather, in the suspended, circling the airport, waiting to land, kind of floating.

We're in the fog, antsy, uncomfortable.

Yet here we remain sitting next to each other close enough to touch

with hands in our laps.

Waiting for the clear to land, waiting for a voice to say it's safe and our turn.

What if the safety never comes?

Will we run out of fuel and plummet, stomachs lifting before a quick end on solid ground?

Will we turn around and fly to better weather and clearer runways?

Either way, whether it's crashing and burning, or landing and moving on,

I think I need to reach out and take your hand,

hold it tightly and remain.

***

For it's your hand, love

that I've vowed to hold in light and dark.

It's your hand that's patient, kind, knowing, gentle, strong.

It's your hand I want to hold when we find our footing again

and run, run, run out of the fog

grounded and facing the bright blue of

love everlasting.

Painting. A Year Late

This week I took a painting class with Wendy Brightbill, a local mixed-media artist, and had so much fun! This was a goal from 2011, and even though accomplished late, it's directed me unexpectedly in my goal setting for this year. Okay, "a bit", is understating it--novel work is pushed aside (for now) and I'm ready to PAINT!! Though writing brings me serious happiness on an ontological level, visual art does the same, yet it feels more do-able on a daily basis at this stage in life. Also, I'm loving that I can invite my kids to join in the mess with me!

First up--I'm doing an art journal! This idea has been around for a while, but I'm just now learning about it and it seems perfect for learning and growing as an artist.

I'm doing the journal in the form of an "altered book"--a recycled, hardcover children's book transformed into my own original work. Each page or spread will be a practice in a different mixed-media technique, but really personal to whatever is on my heart and mind that day or season. I looked through several of Wendy's books at the class, and I was moved by them in such a way, all I could say was,

"Wow--these are like, an experience!!"

 Art. Journal.

Perfect for someone who likes words and color at the same time--me! Happiness. Ontologically. :)

The Breathtaking Empty Space

My prayer these days. Maybe it will be a good one for you too!

Lord,
Help me to listen to these signs of change, of growth; help me to listen seriously and follow where they lead through the breathtaking empty space of an open door.
--Common Prayer; A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals

This is the last line of a prayer in the book of Common Prayer; A Liturgy for Ordinary Radicals by Shane Claiborne, Jonathan Wilson-Hartgrove and Enuma Okoro. You can read all the prayers in the book on this site!

Town Mouse, Country Mouse

This will be me--a town girl, living with country mice--if we get the house we have an offer on right now. The one I lost three hours of sleep over last night. The one that feels like a mountain retreat with a breathtaking peak view; that is completely, miraculously, in our price range.

It's been thirteen years since I've lived anywhere remotely country, probably about ten years since Jon was a ranch worker, riding a horse with a lasso (I'm imagining the lasso--not sure if that's totally true) herding Longhorn Cattle.

Our last house was so bug-free it was an event when we had a housefly inside. I'm certain this house will come with much more than that--spiders, beetles, woodpeckers, mice...

If we get this house, we will have what we think we want. Forest, meadow, acres, view, yet close enough to town to remain actively engaged with school, friends and family.

I might fall on the floor in mourning if this doesn't work out. I'm ready to embrace all that comes with country-living, including mice helping me put on my earrings.

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