Mental Grooves

This morning I was bouncing around everywhere but in the groove. My mental wheels were about to pop off from all the jumbling and jiggling. And I was not doing aerobics; I was just trying to get us ready for the day.

I learned from one of Jack's books on trains that the inspiration for train rails came from observing how a cart could travel easily through grooves worn into the road from carts who went before it. If it came out of the grooves, the trip would take longer and the cart would be more prone to damage from the rougher ride.

My rough ride today is due in part to the paradox of need. I've been thinking about paradoxes lately--I'm always so intrigued by them. In my motherly opinion, "NEED" is one of them--how amazing it feels to be needed, and how suffocating it can be sometimes.

Today my kids have been "needing" something at every turn--way more than usual. (Is it a full moon?) Sometimes I embrace the reality and love it--hello--I am their mommy. Other times, like today, I  feel unceasingly interrupted and it throws me from my happy groove of how I want to move through life.

My nice spiral of thought, purpose and plans are all jumbled and broken. I can't THINK. I want to have a complete thought, but instead I fill another sippy cup, or answer another a question, or help someone pee.

This afternoon God helped my mental wheels get back into the smooth path. After school drop off, Nora and I went to the World Prayer Center to walk around. We've never done this together before, but today it suddenly occurred to me how lovely that would be to do with Nora. The sidewalk around the building is surrounded both by stunning front-range views and nice little places to sit and BE. We slowly walked, chatted, enjoyed the sunshine, and prayed. I prayed for our state, our country, the people suffering in Somalia. We went inside and read beautifully displayed scripture on prayer, listened to a guy playing piano, looked at flags from around the world and prayed for several countries.

This is my groove. Remembering to pray and worship, slow down and BE.

As I'm finishing writing this my kids are happily playing with each other and not needing anything from me. I think when they ask me for something in a few minutes, my peaceful, in-the-groove self will jump at the opportunity to be needed.

Psalm 23:3--He refreshes my soul. He guides me along the right paths for His name's sake. 

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I'm No Grammarian

Yes, I did get a "D" in the grammar portion of one of my High School English classes. The only reason I squeaked out a "B" overall was that the rest of class was literature which I adore.
I'm admitting this because my blog title might not be grammatically correct. I honestly don't know if it is, but I love it!

Here's why my blog is called "Ontologically Happy"--

One of my favorite women is Madelein L'Engle. She's a woman I will have over for dinner in heaven because when she lived, she was too far across the country to invite over. (New York) When she published her book "A Circle of Quiet" in 1972, my favorite of hers, I was five years shy of being born. My parents weren't even married yet. She was in her 30's raising babies (my age & stage) in the 1950's. She died in September of 2007 after living a long and fruitful life. Madeleine's perspectives and wisdom I find completely relevant and insightful even to our current days, even though they were written decades ago. To me, that makes her all the more fascinating.

But I will definitely invite her over for dinner in my heaven-dwelling because she is a major inspiration to me in my life as a growing artist, believer in Jesus and woman.  We'll sit on a cloud-couch and drink star-light tea and talk about our love for life, art and Jesus. Something dreamy like that.

Anyway, in a couple of her books she talks about being "ontological". Generally the idea of being ontological is to be in a state of who we are at our core. Like being at peace, in an un-self-conscious way, with who you are. Not so much what you are, as in roles (parent, teacher, artist, spouse), or who you want to be from the expectations and pressures of culture, but WHO. She talks about the joy of getting away to her favorite spot by a pond and just "being".

From this ontological position, we are more free to pray, create, love.

As I've considered starting a blog, I've way over-thought it scrapped about five versions. One hang-up has been the issue of "theme"; do I need to commit to a certain topic? I love randomness, so committing to something where it would be weird to throw in a post about my crush on Jimmy Fallon, or how I secretly want to be a paleontologist, was not sitting well with me. Somehow I keep coming back to the desire to start my own blog because I've been inspired by, learned from and grown spiritually from the writing of other people sharing through their blogs. So I want to do it too--and let the random be free!

I want to write about things that strike my interest in the moment, and things that give me a deep, lasting happiness at the core of who I am. My place to write and be ontological--as grammatically incorrect as that may be. As you know, happiness is fleeting and sometimes plain absent, but I've found when I'm in a place of  "being" WHO God created me to be, I feel happy. Ontologically Happy.

Madeleine says, "Our truest responsibility to the irrationality of the world is to paint, sing or write, for only in such response do we find truth."

So that's the "why" of this blog for me. I want to write about life from a place of ontological happiness.

Cheers, Madeleine! Thanks for being inspiring and living ontologically so others can follow your example. I think I'm going to quote you a time or twenty-eight!